A Little Poem

Given the nature of this poem, I don’t think that the author would mind me posting it. This was found in the introduction to O Thou Improper, Thou Uncommon Noun by Willard R. Espy.

Enjoy:

“I bring my bona fides forth
That all the world may marvel;
For I researched my facts in North,
Who borrowed his from Carvel,

Who owes his evidence to Morse,
Who filched from Connolly,
Whose source was Bevan, who of course,
Stole his research from me.”

-Willard R. Espy

-Otto

One Hen

After singing the regular version of the hen list song for several years, a new staff member introduced me to a different version. From what I have read on the net, this one appears to have originated with a Jerry Lewis sketch.

Step 1) Speak each verse in turn, encouraging the audience to repeat it back to you before moving on to the next.
Step 2) Enjoy their looks of amused confusion as they stumble through the later verses and finally give up on verse ten.

1. One hen.
2. One hen; two ducks.
3. One hen; two ducks; three squawking geese.
4. One hen; two ducks; three squawking geese; four Limerick oysters.
5. One hen; two ducks; three squawking geese; four Limerick oysters; five corpulent porpoises.
6. One hen; two ducks; three squawking geese; four Limerick oysters; five corpulent porpoises; six pairs of Don Alversos tweezers.
7. One hen; two ducks; three squawking geese; four Limerick oysters; five corpulent porpoises; six pairs of Don Alversos tweezers; 7,000 Macedonians in full battle array.
8. One hen; two ducks; three squawking geese; four Limerick oysters; five corpulent porpoises; six pairs of Don Alversos tweezers; 7,000 Macedonians in full battle array; eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt.
9. One hen; two ducks; three squawking geese; four Limerick oysters; five corpulent porpoises; six pairs of Don Alversos tweezers; 7,000 Macedonians in full battle array; eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt; nine apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic old men on roller skates with a marked propensity toward procrastination and sloth.
10. One hen; two ducks; three squawking geese; four Limerick oysters; five corpulent porpoises; six pairs of Don Alversos tweezers; 7,000 Macedonians in full battle array; eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt; nine apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic old men on roller skates with a marked propensity toward procrastination and sloth; 10 lyrical, spherical, diabolical denizens of the deep who hall stall around the corner of the quo of the quay of the quivery, all at the same time!

A Big Fat Hen!

Each verse consists of saying something new and then reciting the entire list backwards to the start. You should introduce this as “a repeat after me song” and encourage the audience to shout back each verse before moving on to the next. Not only is this fun and interactive, but it gets to be simply hilarious as they attempt to repeat verses 8-10.

1. A big fat hen!
2. A couple of ducks and a big fat hen.
3. Three running hares, a couple of ducks, and a big fat hen.
4. Four brown bears, three running hares, a couple of ducks, and a big fat hen.
5. Five flat flap-jacks, four brown bears, three running hares, a couple of ducks, and a big fat hen.
6. Six simple simons, five flat flap-jacks, four brown bears, three running hares, a couple of ducks, and a big fat hen.
7. Seven silly sailors sailing the seven seas, six simple simons, five flat flap-jacks, four brown bears, three running hares, a couple of ducks, and a big fat hen.
8. Now here’s where it gets a little difficult: Eight egotistical elephants eagerly awaiting entrance into Ethiopia, seven silly sailors sailing the seven seas, six simple simons, five flat flap-jacks, four brown bears, three running hares, a couple of ducks, and a big fat hen.
9. Nine nimble ninnies nibbling ninny gnats, eight egotistical elephants eagerly awaiting entrance into Ethiopia, seven silly sailors sailing the seven seas, six simple simons, five flat flap-jacks, four brown bears, three running hares, a couple of ducks, and a big fat hen.
10. And last but not least: Ten tiny tom-toms tinkling tiny tunes, nine nimble ninnies nibbling ninny gnats, eight egotistical elephants eagerly awaiting entrance into Ethiopia, seven silly sailors sailing the seven seas, six simple simons, five flat flap-jacks, four brown bears, three running hares, a couple of ducks, and a big fat hen.

Notes:
There are several versions of verse 9. If you know a better one (one that makes more sense), let me know.
Be enthusiastic! Enunciate! And speak quickly, especially on verse 8.

Happy Sadness

Ah, nothing like a little upbeat sad music

Just listening to some Erasure and decided to look up the lyrics to Phantom Bride.

She was a shy girl from a lonely street
She had no job to do and no friends to meet
She´d sit in silence in her rented room
Dream of her childhood and invented truths

And in her mind she´d drift away
A secret place to steal away

Don´t you cry, don´t you cry
Let me wipe away the tears from your eyes
Don´t you cry, don´t you cry
Let me wipe away the tears from your eyes

He was a good boy from the outside of town
Said he could treat her right
said he could win her round
Her morning sickness and the kick inside
The phantom kisses of the phantom bride

And in her mind she´d drift away
A secret place to steal away

Don´t you cry, don´t you cry
Let me wipe away the tears from your eyes
Don´t you cry, don´t you cry
Let me wipe away the tears from your eyes

And in her mind she´d drift away
A secret place to steal away
Don´t you cry, don´t you cry
Let me wipe away the tears from your eye
Don´t you cry, don´t you cry
Let me wipe away the tears no more
No more lies
Don´t you cry, don´t you cry
Let me wipe away the tears from your eyes
Don´t you cry, don´t you cry
Let me wipe away the tears
Let me wipe away the tears

OK, so the chorus of the song is a bit happy, talking about not lying or crying any longer. But the verses are quite sad. And the whole thing is sung in such an upbeat tempo and voice.

Perhaps I should counteract all of this with some depressing(depressing sounding) Depeche Mode or hopeful(depressing sounding) Echoing Green.

Or maybe just put it all on random…

-Otto